Chemo Update!

***Before you read, please remember that everyone is entitled to whatever they want to believe in, these posts and my blog are purely only for my thoughts!***

I am scheduled to start chemo on Monday! My first post that I wrote here was about how I was going to go through an egg freezing process before I start. However, I was set to do more blood work (I have never gotten so much blood drawn in my life) to check the values of my "tumor markers" (biomarkers that are elevated in the presence of cancer) after the removal of my honeydew mass. After seeing the results we were going to see if it was going to be ok for me to start the fertility process, or if I had to start chemo right away.

And if you know how indecisive of a person I am, I got the worst outcome. The results came back and my doctor told me she thought it would be ok for me to wait on chemo to do the fertility treatment. "Thought" as in, my case of ovarian cancer is so rare that there isn't enough research to know what would happen to me if I did wait.

I knew all the facts and I was still so set on freezing my eggs. I realized I probably had that mass in me for the longest time (because of how big it had gotten and how long I was trying to get rid of - what I thought was - my lower belly fat), so what was the harm in waiting like two weeks?? I wanted to make sure that chemo wouldn't touch my chances of having kids in the future.

**What I just wrote is really funny because before my surgery I would always ~kinda~ joke about how I didn't want to have kids because pregnancy scared me**

Understandably, my family rather I had chosen to start chemo (while still still telling me it was my choice and all). And I was upset. I did not realize how much this had meant to me until my family didn't share my same thoughts.

Obviously, I changed my mind, and I assume a lot of you would also be relieved that I did. It took my mother making me realize that if having children of my own is what God wants for me, it will happen. I guess I realized there was no point in trying to guarantee the outcome of something I don't have control over. I mean, who knows if I can even have kids right now? Granted, it was a very difficult decision for me to make because I like being the one in charge all the time, but when it gets down to it, I'm not the one who calls the shots. I didn't ask to get cancer, it happened because it was supposed to. That's how I'm making peace with it.

Anyways, I'm going wig shopping on Saturday!! Maybe I'll be bold and get pink hair or something.

probably not.